Stop being such a jealous b*itch

So, it seems most of the articles online either talk about pedophilia through social networking or how it destroys relationships. This alone, that when I type in social media articles, I arrive to a series of articles either describing new platforms of social media or describing the negative affects of social media, displays how biased the media portrays social media. Similarly, most articles in reference to social media and relationships, are titled negatively: ‘It’s complicated: Handling social media when relationships implode’ or ‘Is Social Media Killing Personal Relationships?‘.  Both of these examples of simple titles, help veer us in the direction that social media is the reason our relationships are so screwed up now a days. On Facebook we have various different status for relationships, it’s complicated, single, married, or _____ is married to ____ or, it’s complicated with ______. Our ‘status’ is out there for the world, or our Facebook world, to see and then manipulated with.

The article, Facebook Relationship Problems: How Social Network and Jealousy Affect your Life by Katherine Bindley of the Huffington Post describes how Facebook has affected our relationships through the accesability of looking at somebodies page and seeing the comments, and likes other people have posted.We get jealous of our loved ones, or other people who have connections to our loved ones so easily through Facebook.

Alright, come on now, how many of you have been in a relationship with somebody or been hooking up with somebody and find something you do NOT like on their page? That stupid slut  bag wearing a tiny little skirt who posted on your guys wall? “hey Tom” (Tom is a hypothetical person). That innocent, “hey Tom” turns into more of a “heyyyy there Tom” in your head, because, of course she is definitely trying to flirt with your guy. Of course she wants to ruin your relationship? Or that Like on his picture…. She’s saying “you are so hott” with that like… Right? …. well though we all think that way, and maybe those are the stupid sluts actual intentions, we cannot rely simply on those crazy thoughts that bubble up in our heads to assume that. Maybe that stupid slut is his cousin, or his step sister or even one of his best friends who meant nothing by it. Regardless, we over react and let it effect how we feel, and definitely… oh we definitely, call Tom and ask in a really annoying way (we don’t want to out right say it) “so who was that girl on your Facebook who wrote ‘hey tom'” … Tom probably doesn’t even realize she wrote the comment, and then immediatly starts thinking, damn this girl is JEALOUS.

Facebook is definitely a medium where jealousy affects our relationships. But, the media helps imbed it in our minds that it is Facebook’s fault. Why doesn’t society take a step back and look at the bigger overarching picture. We find Facebook to be a bit to in our face, accessible and therefore we use it manipulate our thoughts. However, the WE, is the key here. I feel the media portrays social media as the big problem, but I think we need to remind ourselves, that we are the users of social media. We at the end of the day, build our profiles, write out every comment, change our relationship settings, comment on other peoples posts, etc. We decide what to say, what to do, how to look and how to manipulate how we seem to other people.

The outside world, however, and the news, and films portray Social Media differently. I thought, as many of you may have noticed from my tweets, the movie Life 2.0 was a bit strange. It made me uncomfortable and I was baffled at how the people lived there lives on Second Life. They spent hours, making friends, making intimate relationships (even though some of them were married… or engaged…) and even making a living. The movie, however, displayed second life users to be weird, sad and depressing as far as I was concerned. It showed people using it habitually, as not their second life  but more their primary life, and sometimes they would bring their second life into their first life in the physical world, and that’s when things got cray cray!  We didn’t want to accept the guy who made a young girl avatar as normal and neither did his fiancee- did it shock us that she was upset? No, I would have been too. Nor did we like the married women (forgive me for forgetting all there names) who decides to fall in love all over again through second life, seperate from her husband and then move in with her avatar lover, to only find out that he’s off to India? because it didn’t work out. We almost never see a relationship that works in a film that is based off social media unless the film is a comedy(in which case it is mostly referenced to sarcastically). Most documentaries, instead, have this very odd feel to them. However, Life 2.0 did display all of the characters relationships in the physical world being influenced in a natural way. Though media may have manipulated our feelings and emotions, with the dark lighting of the film and the slow nature of how they spoke, we were not shocked that the daughter was upset to have her mothers second life boyfriend to move in, or that the fiancee was upset.

Remember Catfish? I remember being sure Nev’s girl definitely was not the ‘sexy dancer’ in her profile. Then the sad truth was revealed, she was a rather large older women living at home. This alone, is media transforming our views on what to expect of making relationships on social media. We should fear the ‘inevitable’ because even if we are in a committed relationship that started in the physical world, one of you is going to become a jealous bitch. There seems to be no win with using Facebook for relationships and reports and directors or media in general do not forget to constantly remind us.

 

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2 Comments

  1. anglas412

     /  February 23, 2012

    Although I agree with you that the media typically portrays social media as a negative influence on our intimate relationships, I think it is important to ask where this pattern came from? When you see that something is portrayed a certain way over and over….and over again, it’s a good idea to step back and ask yourself whether this is merely propaganda against social media, or if it’s merely the sad truth.
    I have had many relationship quarrels over Facebook (as sad as it is to admit) similar to your “Hey Tom” example. I found a certain ex-girlfriend of my boyfriend’s who seemed to “like” all of his pictures and comment daily on his wall; this obviously did not sit well with me and caused a huge argument. I completely agree that we as users need to step up and take responsibility for how we choose to use social media, however, the fact that social media outlets such as Facebook make people so accessible is a major reason why the stigma around social media (in regard to its effects on relationships) exists in the first place. I think it’s safe to assume that back in the day before social media, it was easier to remain monogamous because there was a smaller pool of people to choose from, whereas today one click of the “search” button and you’ve got yourself a new significant other. I believe both users’ usage of social media, as well as the technology itself, are at fault here.

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  2. I think that jealousy has a place in all relationships, whether on social media or not. That being said, I do agree that the media’s influence on the public that social media is a negative entity is putting the blame on the wrong thing. Our actions on social media are what should be blamed on the deterioration of relationships. I think that social media just gives us more access to see what we are doing, and so we can see things that we would normally not be able to without social media. Flirty comments and likes on our boyfriend/girlfriend’s pictures wouldn’t be visible to us and so would never become an issue. Facebook amplifies jealousy because it shows us everything that our partner is up to and even goes a step farther because of the level of mediation there is in the communication. Things can be taken very far out of context on Facebook. That’s where the problems begin that the media latch onto.

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